top of page
< Back

KC S2E2 Transcript

KC S2E2 - Proactive Ways Moms Can Deal With Bullies and Bullying

KC S2E2 Transcript

0:00:12 - Allison
Hello everybody, welcome to season two, episode two of Kintsugi Conversations. I am Allison and this is my mom, Cyndi.

0:00:24 - Cyndi

0:00:27 - Allison
We have had some technical issues. We have had some kids trying to stop us from recording tonight, but we are here or today for you. It's nighttime for me. As you guys can see, I'm in my jammies. And what time is it for you, mom?

0:00:42 - Cyndi
It's almost 12 o'clock noon, almost noon.

0:00:45 - Allison
But we are here, we made it, you know. Yeah, we did. When there's a will, there's a way, right?

0:00:53 - Cyndi
That's exactly exactly. I've got a snowy day here in Boston, so I'm excited about that. So just keep moving.

0:01:04 - Allison
All right. So I have been really excited to have this conversation with you for a while now, because I know that it's something that you have somewhat like strong feelings about, and anybody that knows you well knows that you don't play about me, you don't play about your grandkids and, like you are one of those parents slash grandparents. It's like, oh no, like I'll fight someone's kid.

0:01:32 - Cyndi
Oh yeah, yeah, still today at 60, I will.

0:01:36 - Allison
So you might not win at 60, but you'll try, right, oh, I'll still win. So today I wanted to talk with you, mom, about bullying, and you know, the thing that like prompted this conversation is that during Harper's you see, I got that look on my face, look, everything's okay. But during Harper's last parent teacher conference I was talking with her teacher about how like surprised I am that it seems like not necessarily bullying, but like cliques mean girls, popular popularity, all of that stuff like matters so much younger than I thought it would. Harper's in pre-K I thought that stuff probably started like around like second grade but already, like she is having, you know, like little disagreements with like girls in her class.

Little like well, she's my best friend, so she can't be your best friend, like little, just like stuff like that. Or like, yeah, like you know, I'm friends with like this person, this person, this person she's friends with, like these people, but like we're not friends with each other, like I'm, like y'all are messy, y'all are messy in your four. Like I did not think this was going to be a thing so soon and so it already kind of has me thinking about, you know, like bullying, because I do not want Harper to get bullied, and I also do not want her to be a bully, and so it's just one of those things that I'm like wow, like this stuff starts really, really early.

0:03:13 - Cyndi
Well, harper is so quiet at school, though, and as were you at that age, because I remember your teacher telling me you know her. Uh, allison is so asleep, but she. We really need for her to start standing up for herself more. So I don't know which parallel Harper falls into.

0:03:30 - Allison
Yeah, I mean I wouldn't say Harper is quiet at school. She's well behaved at school, I do know that. But she has lots of friends. She has lots of people that want to be her friend and she's very social.

But Harper is also very emotional and very empathetic, and so I'm hoping that those things will make sure that she is not a bully, because she really does care about other people's feelings, but at the same time, like I said, I don't want her to get bullied either, you know. So it's just like a Right, it's a fine line. I'm like, you know, it just kind of made me think like wow, like how do I even want her to handle a situation with a bully? Like you know, like what am I going to teach her about this? And so I know that you, you know, dealt with bullying, kind of I wasn't necessarily bullied, but you dealt with the same sort of things in like raising me, but you also dealt with bullying yourself. And so I was like, hmm, let me ask my mom what she thinks. And so like, first of all, mom, like what was your experience as a kid when it came to bullying?

0:04:38 - Cyndi
I was bullied horribly because I was so skinny I mean, if there was truly an olive oil like on the papaya cartoon, I mean, that was me. I was so, so skinny and I was also quiet. So that was just a breeding ground for any and everybody to just, and really for no reason, to just pick on me. You know, riding the bus to school, and I remember this one girl. She was like you know, we live on the same street and she actually, you know, that house is still in the street where my mother's house is now. But she was like you can't walk past my house, you know, on the way home. So I would like walk the long way home because I didn't want to get, I didn't want to have to fight.

And then my mother found out she's like you know, let's take it. The bus puts you out right here. Why are you going all the way around this other way to come home? So then it was like, well, either you fight her or you fight me. So it was like you know, what do you do? And then it was the thing kind of like I can say, with Harper. You know, one, one person would get mad, and then they would get everybody in their clique to get mad at you. So then you're by yourself. So it was that kind of a whole thing. But there was not really any reason, just because it was really for me, I think, just because I was skinny and I was quiet, because I mean I didn't bother anybody.

0:05:57 - Allison
So so I kind of heard, like what you said, that your mom told you in terms of like dealing with bullies, but that was like. My next question is like what were you taught in terms of like how to deal with a bully?

0:06:10 - Cyndi
Yeah, I was told, you know, that I had to fight back. You know I'm in, and back then, though, fighting was a lot different than it is now. You know, fighting back then was, yeah, you laid hands on each other, you scratched, you pulled hair. I mean you literally fought. Now you know you have to worry about somebody pulling out a knife or shooting you or you know that kind of foolishness now, but back then it was a physical fight when you had scratches, you had clothes torn and just you know the whole nine yards. You know You're on the ground tussling and it's just. You know.

That was just what it was back in those days, and I was not a fighter Because I mean, I just like, so I didn't bother anybody, so I didn't understand why everybody was picking on me, but my mother made me, like I said, defend myself. You know I still got beat up because I was so skinny. You know I still got beat up, but I guess for her, as long as I like try to defend myself, then I didn't get beat up and get whipping.

0:07:11 - Allison
So I don't know. So the message that you got loud and clear was like, if you're bullied like you fight back like you.

0:07:18 - Cyndi
Yeah, fight you, fight back. You defend yourself, stand up for yourself.

0:07:22 - Allison
And see, that's like the message that that DJ got to.

I was talking with him about this, especially, like you know, as Like a father to a son and like you know, kind of like the differences between, like boys and girls, and he was, like you know, my dad told me like either you fight him or you fight me, like you know. So which one are you gonna choose? And he was, like you know, there was a bully when he was probably like seven or eight ish and like he didn't want to go outside and play because he didn't want to deal with the bully. And like his His dad was like you're going outside and you're not coming back in, like Until you've dealt with the bully pretty much. And so he was like pretty much forced to like face it head-on. And I mean I will say like I don't know if I agree with that necessarily, but I will say, like he said, it worked like you know what I'm saying that like one day he got tired of taking it and he fought the bully and the bully left them alone. Yeah, you know.

0:08:15 - Cyndi
Yeah, and unfortunately that's during the way I have it. I remember, like so that same girl she and all her friends came down to my house to fight me in my yard and my mom was like oh no, you're going outside. So you know again, you have to face it head-on.

0:08:31 - Allison
And so, like your mom, like let you do it.

0:08:33 - Cyndi
Like she not letting. She made me do it Again. It was either fight her or fight me. It might it might have been easier to fight her, but I had to live with her.

0:08:44 - Allison
So Right, that would have probably been an everyday fight, one-off thing.

0:08:49 - Cyndi
Yeah, so we did have that similar DJ and I had that in common, yeah so do you feel like fighting back and defending yourself worked like against the bullies? Um, I think when I finally got to a certain stage, because just merely me fighting Didn't necessarily stop them from bullying me it was, unfortunately, once I started using objects and Actually like hurting them that they found like, oh, she's kind of crazy. That is kind of what made them leave me alone, sadly.

0:09:27 - Allison
Well you gotta bring up the crazy in order to be left alone.

Yeah, you gotta do what you gotta do. So, okay, flash forward, you have me. I am this. You know Perfect little princess that I am, and you know okay. First of all, I think I have to preface it by saying that, like, obviously, I grew up in a very different environment than you grew up in. My school had, you know, a hundred people in my graduating class. Everybody knew each other and knew everyone's parents. It was very Close-knit and I won't say that there weren't bullies at my school. However, it was just not like that. You know what I'm saying.

0:10:06 - Cyndi
Like, I think your bullets were more like oh, you can't sit with us or you can't redress it, we're all wearing this today and you can't wear that.

0:10:14 - Allison
that was, fortunately, like I was in that group, was I a bully Um a little bit, but I mean, I mean.

0:10:26 - Cyndi
It was a form of bullying, but you guys were not like physically, like Hearding people, but I remember it was you and Sarah and Lily and Alicia and I forgot who the other one Was, but you all had this, had this little click, and y'all were the it girls. Okay, yes, I will admit.

0:10:46 - Allison
I was like popular, you know, at one point or at certain points growing up, but I don't think I was mean. No, I don't, you guys were not mean it was just more of this is what we're wearing.

0:10:56 - Cyndi
And so if someone would come and be like, well, you know, I want to be in this little, I want to wear what y'all are going to wear too, and you all guys like, no, we're just doing it. But I mean it wasn't. I mean, in the time where I grew up, my bullying it was a small, it was malicious, it was hurtful, it was just being people picking on you for no reason. You guys didn't like just pick on people. You guys had your little secret society and you know you just want to keep it private. And you know you just want to keep it private. And that could be me making a rationalization for you being a bully.

0:11:31 - Allison
But so to me, as long as you're not, like physically or emotionally hurting someone, then Hear me out, and maybe we should pull people that I went to you know school with and ask them if they think that I was a bully, because I mean, we're all grown now, so it is what it is. But what I will say is I don't personally think that I was a bully or a mean girl. I will say that we were clickish, like I feel like the environment where I grew up we were clickish and like everybody kind of had their click and their friend group and like I feel like once those like lines were drawn, they were like drawn for the school year and like you stayed like where you were. There was no room for like upward mobility, like you kind of stayed in your your click and your group and like the different clicks and groups definitely had like different interests, like OK, even, for example, like one of my very best friends still to this day, like Melody, at one point in high school she and I were still very close but we were in two different friend groups because she was kind of hanging out with like musical theater people and I was not in musical theater and I was hanging out with other people.

You know what I'm saying and I feel like my whole school experience, like pretty much from the time I was in like fifth or sixth grade up until graduation, it was very, very clickish. You know what I'm saying, but I don't really feel like I was a bully. I don't recall being just like you know, I don't recall being just blatantly mean to anyone. However, I will say I do recall like not really paying any attention to some people, which I don't know if that was right either. Like, looking back and now being a mother myself, you know there were some people that like I just like didn't care to have a relationship with and so, like I really like didn't even, you know, speak to them on a day to day, unless, like we had to because we were in the same class or had a project. But I don't think that I ever was like blatantly mean or even blatantly like, oh, like you can't sit with us type, but yeah.

0:13:42 - Cyndi
I think you know, I think bullying and being clickish are two separate things. To me, bullying is malicious, is hurtful, you know, and that's what clickish is. You just have your own little group, that you guys just want to have your own little secret society. You're not necessarily hurting anybody else, but you just want to be with your little group. Whereas where is bully? They just pick on people just because they can. You guys didn't pick on people.

0:14:13 - Allison
So I mean, you know what I my whole point was in my experience, growing up, in the environment where I went to school and thus had the most of my like social relationships, there weren't really like bullies like that, like there weren't people taking people's lunch money and, like you know, cornering people to try to, you know, belittle them, or like embarrassing people in the luxury room, you know, like stuff like that just wasn't really happening. However, you still, I feel like, were prepared for stuff like that to happen. You know, even though it was, that's because that was my life.

0:14:50 - Cyndi
But also, you know, I don't know if it's also a parallel between public school and private school too.

0:14:56 - Allison
True, true, I mean I think it probably that's a whole nother podcast episode, because you know that I have strong feelings about this and you know we're trying to, or we have made a decision for Harper, but you know that decision is coming to fruition now where, like she's getting ready to start at her next kind of school environment. You know, I am like a proponent of private school all the way, just because of like the close knit environment and like actually having relationships with your teachers and knowing all of your classmates names and stuff like that. But do you feel like maybe your experience, you know, with bullying in public school like played a role in why you picked the school that you did for me?

0:15:38 - Cyndi
Um, I probably would say I did, because I do remember. You know, when we moved to Atlanta, we really didn't even think about looking at any other schools. It was that school and that was what really was made up my mind that you would go in. And I remember after you got into, I think like high school, those appear where you were like, oh, I want to switch to public school and I'm like, honey, those girls will chew you up and spit you out. I'm like you are not prepared for that world and you were adamant that you could handle it and I was like, no, we're. This is what we're not doing. As your mother, I'm putting my foot down. This is not open for discussion. We are not doing this because I already see where this would go. So, yeah, that was not gonna be pretty.

0:16:25 - Allison
You tried so hard, not that you tried to protect me, but you tried to make sure that I didn't necessarily need tough skin. And now I deal with internet bullies every day.

0:16:34 - Cyndi
so yeah, Life toughens you. That's different than somebody actually walking up to you and hitting you and you know yeah, especially when I was younger.

0:16:45 - Allison
Like now I'm a grown one, so it is, but it goes. But what was your mindset, mama? What did you teach me, or you know, what did you instill in me, or try to instill in me, when it came to dealing with bullies, like if I was dealing with a bully. What did you tell me to do?

0:17:02 - Cyndi
Well, I always told you, you know, don't start anything but don't walk away from it either. You know there is a such thing as eternity of the cheek, but when it keeps happening, then there comes a point in time that you do have to stand up for yourself. And I also told you that you know, if there's somebody that's you know you know in school you were like 120 pounds or whatever I'm like. You know, some of those girls look like somebody's mama and I'm like so if somebody that big and that towers over you tries to attack you, you pick up something and you hit them. You do whatever you gotta do. I remember somebody's father and you and I was like take your pencil, stab them in the eye and then go into the principal's office and call me.

0:17:45 - Allison
I'll pay that doctor. This is a true story. I have two true stories about my mom when it comes to dealing with bullies, and neither of these people were really well. Maybe one of them was a bully in some way, but most of this wasn't even really bullying. This was just like normal stuff where, like I don't like her because of a boy or you know, like it was normal drama.

My mom literally did tell me one day that if someone bothered me that I was to stab them in the eye with a pencil and then lock myself in a room and call her and that she would come and deal with the rest of it. She told me that. And then on another occasion, there was a boy that basically had been like spreading rumors about me, and this actually happened twice. So once it was a boy that was spreading rumors about me and then another time it was a boy that actually liked me and was flirting with me but was like getting a little bit just like rough, you know, and like not not like sexually rough, but he was just like flirting, but getting a little bit like too rough. You know, like he was playing, but it was too rough, too fancy.

And there was two occasions where my mom showed up. She used to box in the mornings as part of her workout. She would show up at my school with her boxing tape on, and everybody knew when they saw Cyndi show up to the school with the boxing tape on that whoever had been messing with me was too high. And so I feel like the message that I got when it came to bullying was like well, like if it gets too bad, my mama will handle it, and thankfully, you know honestly it never really got bad Like I never. I don't really feel like I was ever really bullied. I feel like I just went through your normal kind of like coming of age drama, you know.

0:19:39 - Cyndi
Yeah Well, all parents and I don't care how young or old your child is you want to protect them. You don't want them to be upset, hurt, crying. You know none of that. So it's just an inherent thing that once that baby is in your arms, you're going to do whatever you got to do by enemies necessary and to whomever is necessary to protect your child and keep them from being hurt, whatever that hurt looks like.

0:20:09 - Allison
So now, mom, as a grandparent, you know times have changed, you've grown. What is your mindset?

0:20:18 - Cyndi
You know I'll still fight a kid. But I'll still fight a kid about Harper and Jackson. Still will fight a kid.

0:20:24 - Allison
So nothing has changed, I'll still fight a kid. Nope, okay, nope. Follow up question. How would you suggest? Because you know me, okay, I'm a little bit more of a peacekeeper than you, right, like I'm not a fighter, I'm a lover, I'm like diplomatic, like we can talk this out, we can discuss it where you're like. Nah, we can just like throw hands and go all the day.

0:20:46 - Cyndi
Well, I don't mind trying to talk it out too, but there comes a point in time where, if my talking is not working and you still have not reigned in your key, then I'm gonna have to step in and do it for you, Okay, how would you suggest to me how like that I handle, you know, bullying if it should arise, Like if we find out that Harper or Jackson are being is being, if we find out that Harper and or Jackson are being bullied.

First of all, I think you should just tell me and let me deal with it, that way you and DJ won't get into trouble. That's kidding.

0:21:30 - Allison
You're just kidding. No, you're not.

0:21:34 - Cyndi
I think you should talk to them. You know you and DJ should talk to you know the kids to find out exactly what's going on. Talk to our dance, yes. And then I think you should go to the school and have a conference with the teacher and try to find out exactly what's going on and you know, if you have to and you still can't get a straight answer, you know I was clean at the pop-ups. You know pop-up at school and just at unsuspecting times and just observe for myself what was going on. So do that. And then, if you cannot get a resolution, let everyone involve.

No, I have told my child not to ever start anything with anyone. We are all equals. But I have also told my child that they are not to let anyone abuse them. So I have told my child that it's OK to stand up for yourself and defend yourself. And I've also told my son not so much when it comes to other girls, but if there's a boy that's picking on your sister as her brother, it's your job to step in and defend your sister. Same thing with Harper. If there is some girl that's picking on Jackson as his big sister, it's your job to stand in and handle that.

0:22:59 - Allison
Yeah, like I agree with your mindset in terms of how to handle it as a parent. I'm even now Harper and Jackson. I'm like, who did you play with today? Was everyone nice today? Like, were you kind today? I'm like asking them about their day, and Harper especially Jackson too, he says when I asked him he says he played with friends. So he's not very descriptive as an almost two-year-old, but Harper will tell me oh, I played with this person, this person, this person, this person. I was trying to line up and she cut me and I didn't like that. She'll tell me the little things that happened.

0:23:37 - Cyndi
Yeah, she's told me before I played with her, but she wasn't nice. So I don't think I'm going to play with her again and I says, well, you know what? That's right. If she wasn't nice to you, then you don't have to play with her.

0:23:47 - Allison
And that is always my thing, because I'm always listening and communicating with her and I'm always letting her know already If someone is not nice to you, you don't have to play with them. And when she says, she'll say things to me like, oh, I wanted to play with this friend, but they didn't want to play with me, and I'm like, well, that's fine, you go find someone that does want to play with you, because you're not about to beg to be in a group that doesn't want you. You're a prize and there are so many more people that want to be your friend so you can just go find someone else to play with. So I think, dealing with it as a parent, keeping lines of communication open, knowing what's going on, and then, like I said, I already had a conversation with Harper's teacher about just what's going on with the little pre-K girls and their little drama, and I plan to keep lines of communication open with her teachers and staff at her future schools, and all that just to say, hey, harper mentioned this Like, what are you seeing in the classroom?

Is Harper being kind? Is there anything that I can do as a parent? And I'm also not opposed to talking to someone's parent. Harper has a really close friend at school and they are best friends. But they do have their little bit of drama sometimes and even them, being four, like me, and her mom, would be like, oh girl, did you hear about the little fight they had? It was because Harper wanted to be the girl from PJ Mask and so did the friend, and blah, blah, blah. I told Harper that such and such gets a turn. Next time I'm comfortable even talking to parents, especially parents that aren't delusional and can recognize that no kid is hurting, maybe it can do no wrong.

Yeah, you know, but keeping those lines of communication open too. But I think that what is really hard in this day and age and what honestly kind of scares me not to get so so deep in our conversation but how are we telling our kids how to deal with bullies nowadays when, like you said, people aren't fighting fair anymore? You know what I'm saying and so you tell your kid defend yourself against this bully. But that person you don't know, that person, that person could have access to a weapon of some sort. You know what I'm saying Exactly. How are we telling our kids how to deal with bullies? And yes, I mean my kids are four and two right now, but I recognize that one day they'll be 14 and 12. That this is something that, yes, the way that I tell them to address it will evolve. But what do we tell them? Do we still tell them to defend themselves?

0:26:25 - Cyndi
You also, like you said, you keep the lines of communication open so that they will come to you and honestly tell you if someone is doing something to them, so that you can get a grip on the situation, see what the kid is actually like, see what the parents and the household is like, and then again go through the proper channels, talk to your kid, talk to the school, if you need to talk to the other parents, and then unfortunately now things have to be adjusted and I don't mean to sound prejudicial in any way, but I know everyone can't afford private school and that's just the fact of life.

But to me I'm trying to do the best I can or I deal with you to surround you with a safe environment, and that is what I believe you're trying to do with your kids. Now there are some public schools that are great, that have no issues with violence or any of this other stuff, but then there are some that are on the lesser end of the spectrum. So you know you have to, I think, do what is best for you and feeling like you are doing the best thing to protect your kid in that environment, so that when you drop your kid off at school. You know. You know that there is a possibility that something can happen, but it's. You know your heart is not quite as heavy as it would be in some other situations.

0:27:59 - Allison
Right, right, I agree that we have to try to keep our kids in environments where we, our heads, don't have to automatically go there. Of course, I feel like, as parents, unfortunately, like those thoughts live in the back of our heads, but we have to try to keep them in environments. So we think that, hopefully, we pray, that type of thing is like less likely to happen. You know, as a mom, like these days I feel like I am telling my kids, I'm telling them to be tattletails. I'm sorry, I know that's not popular, but I'm telling them if someone is picking on you, like you tell the teacher, like that's your first thing. And I know, like I'll tell them people like, oh, like why you got a snitch. No, you tell, you tell the teacher and you tell me, you do tell.

You know, and I'm trusting and hoping that, like again, I'm putting them in environments where, like, teachers will handle it, you know, and if not, then, like I said, like I have no problem addressing it with other parents, but I do still feel like I don't want to wait.

I don't want to raise children that are like operating in fear and I want to raise kids that are confident and have a backbone. And so I think I still do feel like no, like if, if you know the people that you're as a child, if the people that you are trusting to help you are not helping and it's still not getting addressed, like, yeah, like you defend yourself. You know what I'm saying and hopefully, since the parents and the teachers and all of those people are involved, you know it won't come to that, but if it does, you defend yourself. And I 100% agree, and this is something that I am already teaching Harper and Jackson is like, no matter what, you guys have your each other's back against everyone. I even teach Harper and Jackson to have each other's backs against me, like, which is kind of crazy, but I'm like nope, that's your brother. So, like you know, it should be you guys against, against the world. You know what I'm saying at the end of the day.

And you know I'm not opposed A little boy is messing with Harper, like, okay, you told mommy, told daddy, did you tell your brother? You know, like that's just advice for say, even with Harper, you know, you know she needs to have her little brothers back as well, and I think that it actually happened. They were at like a play place and I don't know I think DJ might have been with them and I think I had gone to like the grocery store or whatever. They were playing in the ball pit and I guess a little girl kept throwing balls and one of the balls hit Jackson and Harper went up to a little girl and was like hey, you need to stop throwing balls that hit my brother. Do not hit him with a ball again.

0:30:37 - Cyndi
Way to go.

0:30:37 - Allison
Harper, I'm like way to go baby girl, like she was ready to go to bat for her brother. She wasn't, she wasn't playing it, you know Well that's what.

0:30:46 - Cyndi
That's what they're supposed to do, and that's what we want them to do, not only as kids, but even as adults.

0:30:52 - Allison
Yeah, I agree. So one final question, and I just have to ask this because, you know, during this conversation it came out that I may or may not have been a bully. I don't think I was a bully, but you know, I may have been a little bit of like a mean girl by accident. What are we doing if we feel like our kid is the bully or is the mean girl or you know something like that? Like what do we do with that?

0:31:19 - Cyndi
You sit them down and tell them that that is not the way to treat people, and if it comes to it, then you know. Yet you cannot necessarily control who they spend time with at school, but you can be like you know, if that's the way you're going to behave with this person, then you're not allowed. You're not allowed to associate with this person.

0:31:41 - Allison
Yeah, like if it's someone else that they're trying to keep up with or whatever. I know even with my kids, as young as they are, like, and especially again with Harper, and it's because she's a girl, and I feel like while boys bully, girls do have a tendency to be more clickish and mean girlish, like with Harper, I'm always like we are not the people that are ever going to tell another person they can't play with us. So if ever someone asks you if they can join in on your game that you're playing, the answer is always yes. It's never no, because what's the reason? And you can always too.

0:32:15 - Cyndi
You know, I think with you I would be like you know how would you feel if someone did this to you Exactly? And then that would be kind of like oh well, that doesn't feel good. So, okay, well, you don't want to mix anyone feel that way.

0:32:28 - Allison
I am like trying my hardest to raise a little girl and a little boy that are like you can sit with me, you know you can play with me, you can join our game, and always teaching them, you know to be kind to others and I hope that that, like radiates, and everyone around them is like that as well, and I hope that it continues as they get older, because you know it's pretty easy when they're in preschool.

0:32:51 - Cyndi
But yeah, it's just a fine line because you like again, you want them to be kind, but you don't want their kindness to be taken as weakness.

0:32:59 - Allison
Exactly, exactly. Well, I appreciate you, mom, for having this conversation with me about bullying. Like I said, I'm like deep in thought now about myself. I'm like, please don't tell me I was a bully Like I. Honestly, I'm going to call. I'm going to call Melody and be like Melody. We've been in traditions. We were six. Like was I ever a bully? Because, like I said, there were times that, even though she and I were very close, we were kind of in different friend groups, and so I think that she will be honest with me.

0:33:26 - Cyndi
So yeah, well, I don't think you were a bully, I just think you were in that, in that, in that click, that it, girl click.

0:33:35 - Allison
I mean even looking back at my sweet 16,. You know people will say like oh my gosh, you were so mean when you kick that boy out of your party, like you were a bully and I'm like y'all, he was drunk at 16.

0:33:46 - Cyndi
Right, and it was my party. So I think I have a right to you know, have who I want at my party.

0:33:52 - Allison
But you know, it's just, it's just interesting, and it's interesting like looking back on things that you did or said as a kid and wondering like how would I feel if someone did or said that to my kid?

0:34:03 - Cyndi
you know, like it's just having kids changes everything it does. But again, like I said, it doesn't matter how young or old your kid is. Once you become that mama bear, you're always that mama bear. I'll still fight somebody about you.

0:34:19 - Allison
I agree.

So I think, mom, what would be great is if we could leave our listeners with some conversation starters, like when your kid gets into the car after school or when you sit down at the dinner table, what are some things that you can ask your kid to find out what's going on in their life.

Because of course, we do hear a lot of parents say, oh, my kid was being bullied and I had no idea, and stuff like that. And so I think, because you and I always had such good communication and you always made me feel like I could be open and honest about everything that I was going through growing up and I am trying my best to do that with my kids I think it would be really great if we put that together for our listeners. So we will have that for you guys as an extra From this episode. It'll just be kind of like a little list of conversation starters that you can use with kids of different ages just to kind of find out what they have going on in their day to day lives and keep those lines of communication open so that if you do need to go, mama bear on somebody you have all the information and you can.

0:35:31 - Cyndi
That's right, I'm here for it.

0:35:34 - Allison
You can always call me Right. And if you don't want to go mama bear, I will share my mama, who is always willing to go mama bear on anyone, grandparent, teacher, kid anyone I don't discriminate, she does not discriminate. Thank you guys so much for tuning in to episode two of season two of Kintsugi Conversations. We would love for you guys to follow us. We are at kintsugiconversations on pretty much every platform and we are on TikTok now, so be sure to follow us there as well. Thanks guys, thanks guys.

Transcribed by

bottom of page