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KC S2E1 Transcript

KC S2E1: Valentine’s Day - What Does It Mean to You? Then and Now…

KC S2E1 Transcript

0:00:19 - Allison
Hello everyone. I'm Allison and this is my mom, Cyndi. Hello, welcome to the season two premiere of Kintsugi.

0:00:29 - Cyndi
Conversations. Can you believe it? We're in season two already.

0:00:32 - Allison
I'm so excited to be back. Season one was like a dream come true I was finally bringing our podcast back after years away. But season one kind of just felt like a test run.

0:00:46 - Cyndi
I feel like yeah, it went by really quickly.

0:00:48 - Allison
Yeah, and I feel like now that we're in season two, it feels like this is the real thing.

0:00:53 - Cyndi
Like this is the real deal, you know. Just us being more crazy. Yeah, or me at least.

0:01:00 - Allison
The test run is over and we are officially podcasters again.

0:01:05 - Cyndi
Okay, well, let's get it started, shall we?

0:01:08 - Allison
Let's do it real quick before we jump into our episode one content. I just wanted to thank all of you guys for all of your support of season one of Kintsugi Conversations. If you have not already listened to all those episodes, of course, please go back and have a listen. We talked about some really, really fun topics. What was your favorite episode of season one?

0:01:32 - Cyndi
Gosh, it went by so quickly. It's hard now to even remember all the topics we covered, but off the top of my head I will probably say it was the episode we did with my granddaughter, courtney's Cory, just talking about her journey coming out and just what her life has been like since she's done that and her support systems and all that stuff. I thought that was really really informative and I think it kind of helped a lot of people For sure.

0:02:06 - Allison
I really liked that episode as well, just talking about Cory's journey being in the LGBTQ plus community and also like how we can all support our children, whether or not they are in that community or just in educating them and teaching them about how to approach people who choose a different lifestyle than maybe we choose, and all of that. That was really powerful. I also really liked our episode on anxiety and kids that have anxiety. Just because anxiety is something that I've walked through and something that I am somewhat maybe kind of walking through with my daughter, I really liked that episode as well. Then, strangely enough, I really enjoyed our episode on grief. I know that's a strange thing to enjoy talking about, but I thought that that was like very therapeutic to have that conversation.

0:02:56 - Cyndi
I was going to say it was very therapeutic, I think, for both of us, because we both, I think, talked about some things that we may not have talked about before. So that was. You know, when you lose someone, it always becomes a part of your life. So I think it's good to occasionally talk about those things because, number one, you never forget your loved one and number two, you know, sometimes I don't know what you're feeling, you don't know what I'm feeling, and we both kind of try to mask, you know, our feelings around each other.

0:03:26 - Allison
So I think it's good to kind of just talk about that stuff openly sometime for sure, for sure, definitely, you know, go back and listen to all of our previous episodes, but for sure, give those three a listen If you haven't already, because there's some really, really good stuff in there, if I do say so myself, I agree, and also you know I am here.

0:03:44 - Cyndi
We start a little thing called, you know, ask Cyndi, so you know answer some very interesting questions before. So I look forward to getting more questions so that you guys can hear some more of my crazy.

0:03:58 - Allison
Yes, you can always submit your questions to my mama over here, who is, I guess, everyone's mom.

0:04:04 - Cyndi
These days, I think so.

0:04:06 - Allison
You can submit questions to her weekly on our social media, which is at kensuicom, or on our website, kensuiconversationscom. So today, to start off season two of kensui conversations, we are going to jump in with a light but fun topic. You know, january is a never ending month. I don't know about you, but I feel like January feels like it's like six months of the year.

And then the rest, the other 11 months, like so we are finally out of January and into February, which of course means Valentine's Day. As a mother to a little girl, you know she is loving all of the pink and red hearts that are everywhere. She is very excited about Valentine's Day. Jackson is, like what are you talking about? I get candy, cool Right. But you know we are in Valentine's Day mode over here, so you wanted to talk a little bit about Valentine's Day and Valentine's Day and just romantic relationships to kick off season one. So to start, mom, what was your favorite Valentine's Day memory? Just, you know of your whole life, whether it's romantic, whether it has to do with you know Valentine's Day with a friend or whatever.

0:05:24 - Cyndi
I don't necessarily have a favorite. I used to always enjoy, just, you know, your face on Valentine's Day and because I would always make a big deal of getting you a new outfit to wear and make sure you always had, you know, a big Valentine's. Whether you had a boyfriend in your life or not, you always had a. You know, always make sure you got the candy, the stuffed animal, the, you know whatever was popular during those days. But if I have to say something for myself, derek and I had I think it was probably our first Valentine's Day and he doesn't eat any shellfish at all, but he knows I love lobster. But we were here in Atlanta and usually on Valentine's Day he started when, you know, years ago, he would take his daughter to dinner and so he was like you know, do you mind? You know you can come with us. No, we can do something another day. It's not that serious for me.

So what we did, I think it was a day after Valentine's or the day before, but here in Atlanta they do these little, they do segues, and they also do these little like, almost like golf cart things, and we did like a tour of, like the historic sites of Atlanta which, living in Atlanta, you think you would do that stuff or you would know all this stuff already. But we went to, like the King Center, martin Luther King's Birth Home, you know the World of Coat, just all the historic things on this little, on this little golf cart thing, and it was really so, so cool just to kind of just sit back and hear more about the history and whatnot. And then after that we went to the Palm where I had my lobster.

0:07:03 - Allison
She loves that lobster.

0:07:05 - Cyndi
So I thought you know that was one that always stands out in my mind and it was very thoughtful because, again, he doesn't eat shellfish, but he made a point of making sure that I had something that I really liked.

0:07:16 - Allison
Yeah, that was really, really sweet. I think I have a few kind of favorite Valentine's Day memories. My first one is actually kind of what you were shedding light on. I was one of those kids where I would always get Valentine's Day gifts from my parents, I mean my mom, because my dad just she just signed his name.

0:07:35 - Cyndi
And that was that.

0:07:36 - Allison
But I remember on one specific Valentine's Day gosh, I had to be maybe like 12. This is when iPods like first came out. I don't know if I was 11 or 12, but I really wanted an iPod mini. That was like the new thing when they came out in the different colors. And I remember one Valentine's Day after school, you know you picking me up and I opened the front seat at Carpool and there was like a little little gift basket in the front seat with, you know, reese's Cups that's my favorite candy for all these guys that don't know Flowers a little bear. And then right in the middle of my iPod mini that I had been wanting and that just always, you know, sticks out to me for some reason as like being a you know kid or like teenager and having my mom kind of surprised me with a little Valentine's Day treat. And then the other one actually it wasn't my husband, which is probably kind of strange to share about this, but it just always like is a Valentine's Day that I will always remember and I doubt that this guy, this Blast From the Past, will ever know or listen to this episode.

But when I was in high school I was dating a guy that went to a different high school. We did not date very long. We had a very short, you know little high school relationship. However, we were in a relationship on Valentine's Day and he went to high school in Duluth and I went to high school, like in Midtown and for those of you that don't know Atlanta, in traffic that's about an hour and 15 minutes, like you know, during a morning commute and basically, you know, I didn't think I was going to see him on Valentine's Day because we're in high school.

0:09:09 - Cyndi
And you know we have school regular school day, all that stuff.

0:09:13 - Allison
And I remember that I, you know, parked my car. I had to park a little ways from school and walk like across the street. That's how, like the parking situation wasn't my school, so I parked my car and I walk, you know, across the street to school and lo and behold, who is there, like at my school, at the entrance, with a huge, huge, huge teddy bear, like one of those larger than life's teddy bear, a bouquet of roses and like a huge balloon. But my boyfriend, you know, waiting with this extra special Valentine's Day gift and although, like Now, as an adult, that probably wouldn't, you know, it wouldn't baze me as much as a 16 year old, like that was such a big deal to have that and to have that like grand gesture in front of everyone at high school. So to that guy from high school, shout out to you for being memorable, because I will never forget that Valentine's Day and it's still one of my favorite memories.

0:10:09 - Cyndi
I think when you're younger, though, you put more stuff into other people seeing what you get, more more so than you really getting something. It's the acknowledgement and the I don't want to say jealousy, but just you know the other people seeing that, oh, look what I got. Somebody does love me, whether it's real or fake, right, and you know.

0:10:29 - Allison
I remember that being a thing like even me and DJ early in our relationship in college and even like very early on in our marriage. It was kind of a thing to share your Valentine's Day gift on social media, like, oh, look at what my boyfriend got me or look at what he's doing for me on Valentine's Day. And you know like now that I'm older, I'm like, well, that's kind of more so for other people than it is for you at that point and it kind of takes I don't know it kind of takes some of the specialness out of it when it's when it's more about sharing what you got than it is about the actual love that you feel for your partner. So you know, I think that now that I am older I care less about how things look Exactly.

And thus I care a little bit less about Valentine's Day and all, because I feel like it is kind of a showy holiday, like, oh, look at how much this person loves me, look at what this person did for me, you know.

0:11:25 - Cyndi
Yeah, I've come to feel like that about most holidays now. It's not about the big grand gestures anymore, you know, it's little things, like I said. You know Derek takes his daughter to dinner on Valentine's Day and I could really care less. I'm fine being at home in my pajamas, you know, whenever he gets home, or whatever, and even for the two of us, you know we may or may not do something, but I don't really care. You know Valentine's Day to me is, you know, that holiday where you're supposed to express your love. Well, show me on a regular, you know Thursday, that you love me, and not just this one particular day of the year that you have to show me how much you love me Exactly and you know, let's let's like talk about our Valentine's Day expectations then and now.

0:12:13 - Allison
So I'll go first Valentine's Day expectations then. And when I say then, I'm talking about high school, college, maybe early marriage. We were in that honeymoon phase. I always expected like a date Like you know, we're going to go out to dinner somewhere and I always expected my significant other to plan the date, because I was one of those people who kind of felt like Valentine's Day is really for the guy to show the girl you know what I'm saying and yes, I would buy my boyfriend slash husband something for Valentine's Day, but really the ball was in his court for planning the.

Whatever we were going to do. I did expect a gift, usually jewelry or like something kind of you know. It didn't have to be super expensive, but something worthy of like Valentine's Day.

Something showy. I expected, you know, flowers and I kind of expected like a grand gesture. That was Valentine's Day, then Valentine's Day Now. It's twofold and I'm going to I'm going to kind of speak on both of them. First of all, valentine's Day. Now I am at a place in my life and in my marriage where really, you know, I'm not a huge gift person and I guess, maybe way back when one of my love languages used to be gifts, like receiving gifts. Now, like I would rather you not buy me a gift, because I don't really like surprise gifts, because I don't really want my husband to waste money on something that he thinks that I would like. I would rather us go together or me go alone and like pick out something that I really want, then for him to waste money on something just because it's Valentine's Day, does that?

0:13:52 - Cyndi
count for mommies too. I don't have to get surprise gifts anymore.

0:13:55 - Allison
Oh no, you can still get surprise gifts. I'm about to get to that topic. Next, I'm talking about my husband in Valentine's Day. Okay, I'm about to talk about being a parent on Valentine's Day and a daughter on Valentine's Day next. But from him, you know, I typically look.

I just I would rather him not waste his money on or our money I think that's kind of where the thing, where it comes into play now it's our money. I'd rather him not waste our money on something just because it's Valentine's Day. I'd rather instead, you know, get what? Something that I really want on whatever day it is. Similarly, like restaurants and all the places are so crowded on Valentine's Day we really don't have to go out. We can stay home, we can still do something like special and cute together with one another, but we don't have to do anything special just because it's Valentine's Day. And then also, on top of that, if we are going to do something, I really don't care who plans it. I am totally okay at this stage in my relationship with me, you know, planning the day or making the plans, because, quite frankly, I'm a little bit better at planning and I would rather us do something that we really want to do. You know what I'm saying. To me it doesn't matter who plans it or who does it. And so, quite frankly, at this point, like I'm fine with just like wedging out on the couch watching a movie together and eating takeout on Valentine's Day, and maybe we can go out for dinner on another night, but you know, it's just not as big of a deal to me Now Valentine's Day as a parent.

I have to talk about the now of that aspect. I am still all for like spoiling my kids on Valentine's Day, and I think, well, I spoil my kids every day. But I think that my mom kind of passed on this thing where, like every holiday gosh, even kind of now, you know, my mom would get me like a little trinket or a little basket, you know. So for Valentine's Day, for Easter, even when I was kind of outgrowing the Easter Bunny, you know, I would get like a little something. And I do the same thing for my kids, and so I do try to make Valentine's Day special for them. I actually just bought them and put together little Valentine's Day baskets that I would give to them on Valentine's Day morning from Target. And so, although like I don't really expect a lot from my husband. I do still expect for us to do something cutesy for the kids and since I am still a child to you, if you would like to do something cutesy for me, that's totally okay.

0:16:20 - Cyndi
You know you never outgrow that this is my baby through and through, guys. I mean, she never, you know, rejects whatever mommy gives her and surprisingly, she's never been like oh you know, can I exchange this or I don't like this.

0:16:34 - Allison
Well, you know my taste pretty good.

0:16:36 - Cyndi
You know that's funny and you know I'm kind of similar to that. I don't really care about going out on the holiday because again they jack up the prices. It's usually some prefix menu that nobody wants to eat, yeah, so you know it's crowded, so I'd rather do something on another night. And again that whole stigma of oh, it's Valentine's Day, I gotta, you know, get you, don't just get me something just because, yeah, you know, derek and I what we do now, more him than me because I just this is not anything I want. But all year we try to. Or he keeps a running list of things that he wants and he's like you know online, you know well, it's Valentine's, my birthday, I anniversary, christmas, refer back to the list and get me something I put on my list that I want, and he wants me to do the same thing, but I'm like there's nothing that I really want and you know the issue with us and things like that is that we buy what we want, exactly that's.

0:17:30 - Allison
That's a couple.

0:17:31 - Cyndi
And well, one thing too, though, because I noticed, at Christmas time I did start him a little list, and so when he came to me, he's like oh, I went on your on your list to order whatever you know something. It's not there anymore. And so I'm like well, yeah, I gave you that list, like that's been on there for a month now.

They've sold out. I'm like fortunately for me, I bought it for myself, right. But you know that's what the men don't act as quickly on things like that as we do. So but you know, valentine's is one of those days where it's just like, you know, it's kind of to me. I don't want to say show offy, but it is. And why make somebody else kind of feel bad because they don't necessarily have a significant other in their life? And you do, I think. Before I started dating again and you know you were married, though we did start kind of doing like a little like gallant times type of thing, for because we had I had a well, you had a lot of girlfriends that didn't have men in their lives, I was single. So you know that was kind of a time for us to come together as just, you know, single women, showing our love to each other.

0:18:41 - Allison
Yeah, and you know, like my husband plays professional basketball, which everyone, I think, knows at this point if you've been listening to this podcast for a while, and because of that, for those of you that guys that don't know, valentine's Day is smack dab in basketball season and so you know, for pretty much our whole relationship, you know, back from college until now, he has always been in season on Valentine's Day and so, of course, like he has practice or a game or like in our situation right now he is away, you know, because it's basketball season and I'm here on, you know, valentine's Day with the kids and so, because of that, like I won't be with my husband my Valentine on Valentine's Day and I really appreciate Valentine's Day and that it's kind of a thing now for either you know single women, or mothers and daughters or friends, or you know whatever just to kind of gather and celebrate Gallantines Day with your friends that you love, you know, just as much as you love your significant other.

0:19:42 - Cyndi
Yeah, I think that's important because I mean, we all need to feel that love, no matter where we get it from, and just that whole, you know, coming together thing. I think it's just a really good idea, you know, for women to like lift each other up and, just, you know, be supportive and, just, you know, have a good time, keep things light and airy and, just, you know, just enjoy.

0:20:01 - Allison
Yeah, you know, I think that Valentine's Day, like you said, mom, is about love at the end of the day, and feeling love and showing love. And so, you know, when it comes to you getting me something for Valentine's Day because you love me so much, you know me getting something for the kids to show them, hey, you know you guys are loved me and you doing something special together or us doing something with our friends, at the end of the day, it's all about everybody feeling loved, no matter where that love comes from, right?

0:20:29 - Cyndi
but, guys, she throws this in about mom. You know you getting me something. What she leaves out is she has my credit card, so she will go to you know, louis Vuitton, gucci, wherever, and I was like, oh, that's a really nice bag you have. Oh, yeah, you got this for me for such a size.

0:20:49 - Allison
Yeah, I did that for my birthday. She was like, oh my gosh, those are cute Louis Vuitton sandals. When did you get those? I was like, oh my gosh, you got them for me for my birthday actually.

0:20:58 - Cyndi
Thanks mom and.

0:20:59 - Allison
I am 100% one of those like grown 30 plus women and daughters. Or like when me and my mom go out shopping together I'm like, oh, I really really like this.

0:21:12 - Cyndi
But she knows, I'm gonna buy it, she's like put it on the counter with mine, really Like she didn't know I was gonna do that and I think you know something that because when you and I and DJ are out in the DJ, I mean it's not a real fight, but we all have this thing about.

0:21:29 - Allison
you know he'll have something like just put it up here with mine and say, mom, I'm like boy even at dinner and they fight over the check and I'm like, as long as you guys know, I'm not paying for it, but I feel like you know, as the mom, I mean you guys are still my kids.

Yeah, so you know, I just, I don't know, I have an issue with that, you know that's something that we should ask on social media, and I'm gonna go ahead and pose the question now on the podcast. Well, let's take this to our social media as well. For the parents with grown children, do you still feel like you are somewhat responsible for like paying, you know, for your kids? Like, specifically, if you're out to dinner or, let's say, you're at Target together Do you still pay for your kids? If you do, why? If you don't, when did you stop and why?

0:22:16 - Cyndi
I'm like curious as to. Yeah, that's interesting, yeah, but I 100% do pay for you know, both you and DJ Like so he'll every now and then I'll let him pick up the check, because my whole thing too with a man is you have to let a man be a man and never emasculate them. But at the same time I'm like you know you're my kid, I'm not gonna let you buy. I'm supposed to buy you food and buy you clothing. You're not supposed to be doing this the other way around.

0:22:43 - Allison
I'm all for it. You know my for it.

0:22:44 - Cyndi
What are we going to eat after your?

0:22:46 - Allison
course. And what's a lobster for life? Sushi. See this one right here. Okay, so, mom, getting back on track, what would you say would have been your like dream of Valentine's Day when you were younger and you expected kind of a more grand Valentine's Day?

0:23:07 - Cyndi
Oh, can I pick what age I want it to be? I want to be in this grand gesture. Um, yeah, okay, I would have wanted to be. You know, of course, in my anytime after, like you know, 20 or so, 20 plus my dream probably would have been to just be picked up by my husband and just be like I already got a bag packed for you.

Grab your passport, we're going to the airport and I don't need to know where I'm going because I would trust that they would have shared it, he would have shared it with you and you would have packed for me. But just a surprise, that kind of a surprise, I think I would have really really liked because, again, I would trust that you would have made all the arrangements and I trust you know me, just like I know you. But that would have been something like oh, that would have been like really, really like exciting and cool. I wouldn't know where I was going until I probably got to the airport, because then they saw announcing the flights and whatnot. So I think that would have been like a really, really cool thing.

0:24:18 - Allison
I think that mine would have been kind of like a full day, valentine's Day, and this is when, you know, I like had like money and a thing type dreams and you know kind of skies to limit. I would have wanted to be like picked up with a private driver and like taken to the mall back in the day. It probably would have been FIPS, you know, taken to the mall and said like okay, you know you should never get other your husband, your boyfriend, whatever I said to pick out whatever you want. You know kind of no limit, you know no budget, to kind of do some shopping and then to maybe been taken to like a hotel, have an outfit waiting for me on the bed, you know, get dressed for dinner and then to arrive. And then to arrive at a restaurant for like a private chef's table dinner with my husband or boyfriend, where he's like rented out the whole restaurant and it's just us and the chef and we have this grand dinner experience. And then you know, I'm going to kind of share now what my dream Valentine's Day date would be and I want you to share as well.

My dream would be probably a trip, but it doesn't have to be a grand trip or a surprise, but just for us to like either get a hotel or go somewhere alone for Valentine's Day or the weekend before or weekend after, maybe have a spa day, order room service and just kind of chill and veg out, have some a kid free time. I think that's why I would like to go to a hotel, because then it's kind of kid free and like responsibility free. Whether the hotel is local or it's like in the Caribbean somewhere, it really doesn't make me a difference, surprisingly, but just to have like one on one, uninterrupted time where I'm not tasked to be worried about the kids and the household and all that stuff and can just focus on my husband and relaxing.

0:26:07 - Cyndi
Things have changed, because I can't tell you how many Valentine's and anniversaries and whatnot useful for me when you were a kid, because your dad would have planned to take me out somewhere for this thing and you know we get home to pick me up and you have a fit, you insist on going. I was known for that. And he's like come on, just let her go. And I was like, well, why don't you go, I'll just stay home, right, I'm not bud for me anymore because I had to still be on mommy duty.

but yeah, useful so many.

0:26:42 - Allison
And now I have two of those, but specifically Harper. It's funny sometimes DJ and I will be having like little at home dates, like after we put the kids to bed, and I swear Harper can smell sex Like.

0:26:53 - Cyndi
I told you that before you had to you said that was good to have If we're even thinking about having sex.

0:26:57 - Allison
she knows and she's going to ruin it because she sleeps really well. Both kids, do you know, goes to bed, no issues. But on those nights that we're kind of trying to have some romantic time here I hear what are you guys doing? What are you eating? Why are you not going to bed yet? I want some. What's in that glass? Is that grown up drink? Can I taste? Do you have anything for me? Just throwing off the whole mood, you know.

0:27:22 - Cyndi
She gets that from you, and I told you about this Again how many nights you used to fall during my whole life. So yeah, and still, as me being 60 plus and you being married and having your own kids, we'll still kind of sometimes throw a monkey wrench in plans. Mom, can you? Why are you calling me? Is he loving the? Why aren't you in bed or sleep or somewhere? That's so funny. But now we were talking about what a dream date for me now would be. I have gotten to this point where I'm just really, really settled. What I would like would be to have a masseuse come over to my house or whatever and let me get you know I prefer, you know, at least two hours, but three hours would be even. Three hours Would be even better. And I don't care if it's two people working in tandem. I don't throw what they call it four hands or six hands, I don't care.

0:28:24 - Allison
Six hands?

0:28:25 - Cyndi
Yeah, I don't even care, but anything two hours and above would be fantastic.

0:28:30 - Allison
So you just want to get rubbed on all night, yeah, till I fall asleep.

0:28:33 - Cyndi
And then you know, I'm kind of with you with the private chef thing, though that will kind of be nice, so that way I don't have to worry about cooking anything, I don't have to clean up anything, so you know, and I can eat before my massage or after. That way I can kind of just roll on into bed when I'm done. But I'm all about now, I'm all about a massage. You want to make me happy?

0:28:56 - Allison
Get some of the rub on me. Yeah, I do love massage too. I really do we need a spa day. Actually, we really do Prompto we can't tell Harper though. We can't, because she's all about a spa day as well. She gets it from us. So before we close up, you know we've kind of talked about how our mindsets about Valentine's Day have, you know kind of evolved over the year.

Let's kind of talk about kind of how that plays into how our mindsets about relationships have evolved over the year, because I feel like you know our expectations for Valentine's Day and our expectations in our marriages kind of go hand in hand, you know. So, for example, I'll go first, just so you know kind of what I'm getting at.

I feel like you know I used to have these grand expectations for Valentine's Day and I used to, quite frankly, put a lot of the pressure on my husband, and I think that that also sheds light onto what I used to do in terms of our marriage in general.

I used to kind of feel like he was responsible for the romance and you know, he was the one that's going to plan all those things and I was going to kind of just like roof the benefits. And then also I used to be a person that kind of felt like, if I had to ask for something or give him a lot of direction, that it didn't like count, it didn't mean as much. And now in our marriage, I think, as we've matured, I'm very much like you know what. We're partners and we're a team, and so we have the same end goal in mind and as long as we reach that end goal, it doesn't matter how. So it doesn't matter who planned the trip, it doesn't matter who made the reservation, it doesn't matter who did the thing, as long as the thing gets done. And I now feel like I'm a lot less selfish in my relationship and more just like look at the greater good, what we both need and how we can both work together to, you know, have our needs met.

0:30:46 - Cyndi
Yeah, that makes sense. You know, I struggle a lot with that, though, and that may be one thing that Derek does complain about in our relationship, because in my first marriage, you know, your dad basically controlled everything. I could spend, what I wanted to spend, but it was like, you know, go and get what you want and then call the accountant and he'll make sure it's covered or whatever. So I didn't necessarily have for lack of better work my own, and so he would make all of our plans and he was out in the street and whatever. So he knew the best restaurants and just all that's in the street Like he's a bug.

0:31:26 - Allison
He was jacking off. My dad was an attorney. Guys, he's not doing drugs, he's not in the street.

0:31:31 - Cyndi
And I met Biggie the street as far as the hottest place to go.

So he would generally make our plans because, again, he controlled the purse strings in that effect and he knew the nicer places to go. So now with Derek, he looks for me to plan things, but I'm not used to that. So I struggle with that. And they are also so different that it's hard for me to make plans for he and I to do stuff, because stuff that I enjoy is not necessarily any stuff that he would necessarily enjoy. I mean he would go but it would be like, eh, I'm just going just to appease you, basically. So I do struggle with that, going from not having to make any plans because I had somebody who that was what his main thing was, to now he wants me to take more charge in that. So I struggle with that.

0:32:31 - Allison
I think in our marriages and our relationships in general, we go through some phases, and this is something that I would talk to pre-marital couples and counseling about is that you're in this pre-marital phase, of course, and then, after you are married or settled in your relationship, you're in the honeymoon phase for a little while and then you kind of transition into this real life phase where life comes at you fast. I think that me and DJ are kind of in this real life phase right now, just with these two little kids his demanding job when we're kind of like we just got to survive.

We got to just make it through at this point. So whatever we need to do to make it through, we'll do. And then I think you kind of settle into this empty nesters if you have kids kind of blissfully settled mature phase that you're in now where things just don't seem as serious anymore and it's all about just kind of like finding your piece and being happy. And I think that it's a beautiful thing that we all get to experience these phases. And whatever phase you're in, I think it's important to kind of recognize that it is just a phase and that another season of your relationship will come and that that's OK. It's OK to if you are in the honeymoon phase right now and you do expect your partner to go all out on Valentine's Day, that's OK. But no, in two or three years you probably won't have the same expectations, and I think that's the beautiful thing about marriage and relationships.

0:34:06 - Cyndi
Yeah, I agree too. We are in that settled stage now. I can remember again being younger, either Friday or Saturday, or even both nights, being out somewhere and being fine Girl. Now, either Friday night and Saturday night, we're on the sofa under the heated throw watching a movie, drinking a bottle of wine, looking at the clock oh, it's 8.30. Time for bed. Life comes at you that, and do not have a problem with it at all, for sure.

0:34:38 - Allison
For sure. We want to thank you guys so much for tuning in to our season premiere of season two of Conceived Conversations. Valentine's Day is approaching and, whether you're doing Valentine's Day, Gallantines Day, self-love day, whatever it's going to be for you, we hope that you guys feel the love Exactly and love yourself. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Take care, guys. Bye, bye.

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